52nd City

Santarchy!

This weekend, the St. Louis Chapter of the Cacophony Society (I believe that's who's doing this, if not in name then in spirit) will invade lots o' pubs near you, in the name of Santarchy. There will be Fishnet Santas, Pink-bearded Santas, Mz. Santas, Little Grey Santas, Velvet Santas, Chintzy Felt Santas, Capri-pant Santas and Classic Santas. All of them, at least near the end of the night, will be tipsy Santas.

The tradition of rounding up your rowdy pals for a night of drinking while dressed as Santa began more than ten years ago. Some weisenheimers in the Bay Area decided it would be fun to dress as Cheap Suit Santas and spend a night on the town getting stinking drunk, which meant both posing for pictures with kids and being chased by policemen. (Naturally, the practice spread to other cities). I first learned of the Cheap Suit Santas in '96, after accidentally stumbling on this police report, which is still one of my favorite prose documents of all time. And I quote:

I WAS ON POWELL STREET AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE ST FRANCIS HOTEL (WHICH WAS ADJACENT TO THE NAUGHTY SANTAS) WHEN I SPOTTED A FEW SANTAS IN THE HOTEL LOBBY THAT WERE ACTING VERY SUSPICIOUS. THESE SANTAS APPEARED TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE AND CONCERNED, THEIR EYES WERE DARTING AROUND THE LOBBY. THESE SANTAS MOVED TO THE SIDE OF THE LOBBY, SOMEWHAT OUT OF VIEW FROM THE MAIN LOBBY. THESE ACTIONS APPEARED TO BE THE ACTIONS OF SUSPECT SANTAS THAT WERE HIDING FROM THE POLICE. I MONITORED THESE SANTAS.

The St. Louis Cheap Suit Santas seem to be a much gentler breed than their red-eyed, west coast cousins. The flyer I picked up last weekend states that "This event is NOT intended to be a protest of Christmas, a celebration of Christmas, or a political statement (unless you choose it to be). This event IS intended to be whatever you choose it to be." They hand out presents to by-standers (admittedly, sometimes that's a lump of coal, but that's better than a scented candle, right? At least it's an old-fashioned novelty?) and are planning on getting around via Bi-State. They are also kind enough to alert newbies to wear comfortable shoes. Which, depending on what kind of feet you have, may or may not include big black boots with shiny gold buckles. That's because this is an all-day affair - midi to minuit. So keep clicking to see where the Naughty Santas will touch down, because I didn't want to hog up the blog page with their voluminous list of stop-offs...

SANTARCHY! Bar Crawl Schedule for December 10

University City
noon Bar Cicero's
1:30 Bar Blueberry Hill
2:34 Metro Delmar Loop -> CWE 2:54
Central West End
3:05 Bus #95 Kingshwy off McPherson
3:15 Bar Llywelyn's
4:00 Bar Rosie's Place
4:39 Metro CWE -> Union Station 4:47
Union Station
5:00 Bar Hard Rock Café
6:00 Bar Union Station Lobby Bar
6:30 March March to City Museum
Washington Avenue
7:00 Bar The Cabin Inn the City
8:30 Bar Rue 13
9:45 Bus #80 Shaw Southampton
E Washington -> Russell & 12th
Soulard
10:00 Bar Nadine's
10:40 Bar Clementine's
11:20 Bar The Shanti
12:00 Bar Molly's

And they may be wild Santas, but they are considerate; they swear they will be on time if you want to rendevouz at one of the points above. But don't ask me for all the details! You can reach the Santy Oracle at stlouissantarchy@yahoo.com.